


Ain't No Particular Sign (I Just Want Your Extra Time)

by newyorktopaloalto



Series: Derry's Premier Murder/Turtle Cult [8]
Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Chatlogs, Crack Treated Seriously, Every IT canon wrapped into one fic, F/M, Humor, M/M, Multi, Post-Canon, Social Media, Texting, Twitter, heavy formatting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26151889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newyorktopaloalto/pseuds/newyorktopaloalto
Summary: [21:51] Audrawhat just happened[21:52] Richieyou just got vibe checked.[21:52] Audrado u even know what that means, richie????
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Audra Phillips, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon/Audra Phillips, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Patricia Blum Uris/Stanley Uris
Series: Derry's Premier Murder/Turtle Cult [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1522892
Comments: 13
Kudos: 103





	Ain't No Particular Sign (I Just Want Your Extra Time)

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: As always, I don't own IT. Title is from 'Kiss' - Prince & the Revolution. 
> 
> This is the last e-media section of this little universe, but there is the multi-chapter fic to bookend the series yet to come. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and please enjoy!

**Local Legends Pod ✓ @locallegendspod** Happy bday to us! Our most streamed podcast ever is Derry, Maine; Part 1, with Part 2 at #3. Thanks for all the new subs and here’s some b-roll from the episodes. [link]

 **lisa 👽 @agentlisascully** didn’t even put it as an episode _@locallegendspod_ because they know it’ll duck with the metric 

**viscera horror @notrebecca** thank you for the new _@billdenbrough58_ content its exactly what I needed on this trying day.

### 

**Losers Club 2.0**

**[21:43] Audra** In response to your question, Stanley, please refer to this hyperlink that sends you to a conversation we had four days ago pertaining to the same information you are seeking now.

 **[21:44] Stan** If that’s the one that says ‘fuck u beyotch’ I don’t know how that answers my question at all. 

**[21:44] Audra** hmmmm, then i guess it’s none of your business, now is it? 

**[21:45] Stan** Bill. 

**[21:45] Stan** William. 

**[21:45] Stan** William Bill Denbrough. 

**[21:46] Bill** The last time I bought Audra something for her birthday I honestly thought she was going to shank me with her hairpin. 

**[21:47] Stan** Too bad, I was going to make her one of those kitschy embroidered home plaques. 

**[21:48] Audra** wait

 **[21:48] Stan** I had a pattern that said ‘aging like a foine woine’ and everything. 

**[21:49] Audra** wait

 **[21:49] Stan** Oh well--goodnight, guys, talk to y’all tomorrow.

 **[21:50] Ben** Well, I see Stan’s feeling better. 

**[21:51] Audra** what just happened

 **[21:52] Richie** you just got vibe checked. 

**[21:52] Audra** do u even know what that means, richie???? 

**[21:53] Richie** ...ANYWAY, back to why i was here in the first place: ben, your wife got safely into LAX and a little less safely to our house. 

**[21:54] Richie** i’m so sorry i couldn’t get out of that interview to drive her. 

**[21:55] Eddie** It’s not like she died, the drive was fine and you always overreact to my driving because you have a weak constitution. 

**[21:56] Richie** babe, you drive like Yukari 

**[21:56] Eddie** I don’t know who that is, but I know when you’re insulting me and I’m going to deny everything. 

**[21:57] Audra** imagine being bev and staying at their house for a week and a half. i’d kill myself quite honestly 

**[21:58] Bev** I’m already in hell, eddie’s driving killed me dead.

* * *

**Bill H. Denbrough ✓ @billdenbrough58** For most devices, autocorrect usually helps with your capitalization, esp. Ones after a period (example ←). You have to physically go back and change it for lowercase. 

**Audra H. Phillips Denbrough ✓ @audraaaden** u can just ‘at’ me next time _@billdenbrough58_

 **I… Am a Librarian @mikehanlon** In Audra’s defense, _@billdenbrough58_ my phone doesn’t even have auto-correct.

> **@audraaaden @pattystweeter @benhanscomdesign & 53 other users liked this tweet**

**Bill H. Denbrough ✓ @billdenbrough58** I love you _@mikehanlon_ but I think you’re secretly living in 1992.

> **@audraaaden replied to @billdenbrough58**  
> 
>
>> Bill Denbrough is a bully CONFIRMED

 **still poppin bottles @zukozukobasco** apparently celebrities are getting on the ‘cancel b**l de*****gh’ train and let me just say too little too late

> **27 users liked this tweet**

* * *

  
**Bill**  
I haven’t had this many mentions on twitter for years.  
I don’t think I like this. 

**Audra**  
i made you famous again so youre welcome  
my agent tells me that all press is good press

**Mike**  
I think that only works for, like, the Kardashians. 

**Audra**  
1990-who?  
you bring that pop culture into this conversation bb 

**Mike**  
It’s all thanks to you, Auds. <3 

**Bill**  
I think I would prefer it if there weren’t TWO of you descending into internet culture.  
Just - for the sake of my own sanity. 

**Audra**  
too bad, you’re stuck with us  
…  
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE 

**Mike**  
:P 

### 

**Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✓ @thefakerichietozier** celebrity big brother. me. we all know we want this.

> **@stantheman replied to @thefakerichietozier**  
> 
>
>> I think you mean: ‘We all know we never want this.’  
> 
>>
>>> **368 users liked this tweet**

* * *

**Losers Club 2.0**

**[23:48] Richie** CBS just hit me up and i’ve never regretted any tweet with more swiftness in my life

 **[23:49] Richie** which says something because I’ve been on twitter since basically its inception. 

**[23:51] Richie** because let’s be honest. It’d take me three days before I was biting at the champ and trying to get myself outta there

 **[23:54] Stan** You’re also not entertaining enough to be able to keep up with those live feeds. 

**[23:55] Bev** Stanley, would you like to tell the class something about your prime-time viewing habits? 

**[23:55] Richie** you’re right, I’m not. Eddie however would be great at Big Brother. 

**[23:56] Stan** It’s a microcosm of society. Do you need to keep apprised of all my leisurely pursuits? 

**[23:58] Eddie** Eddie would kill everyone in Big Brother. 

**[23:58] Bev** If they’re all as disparate as birds are to big brother, then yes, i would love a blow-by-blow. 

**[23:59] Audra** when u go on big brother i hope you only speak in the third person

 **[00:02] Stan** Third person, killing the competitors, probably singing on feeds so the producers have to deal with copyright; Chenbot would go insane. 

**[00:03] Stan** You should do it. 

**[00:04] Eddie** I know those were all words you typed, but I feel as though they cannot be in English because I don’t understand a single goddamn thing that’s on my screen. 

**[00:06] Richie** If you win big brother, we could use that cash money money for a destination wedding. 

**[00:07] Eddie** How did all of this suddenly go onto me? Richie’s the one who was an idiot and made CBS notice his existence. 

**[00:09] Audra** they’ll see one of your bits from like the late 90s and ghost you don’t worry 

**[00:10] Audra** your destination wedding btw should be in derry 

**Stan is typing…  
Richie is typing…  
Eddie is typing…  
Bev is typing…  
**

**[00:12] Bill** Someone remove my wife from the chat. 

**[00:13] Richie** I’m trying to think of venues. 

**[00:14] Stan** Jesus Christ. 

**[00:16] Richie** There’s the Barrens where Bowers almost killed us, the sewers where the clown almost killed us, or maybe the main street where just being alive in Derry almost killed us. 

**[00:17] Richie** The Choices. 

**[00:18] Stan** They all hold an undeniable charm to them, small-town quintessence, northeast bigotry and picket fences kind of vibe. 

**[00:19] Eddie** Soft-shell crab and repression. 

**[00:22] Bill** You saw me eat a soft-shell crab once and almost vomited. Told me I would die from bottom-eating or something. 

**[00:23] Eddie** That’s the repression bit. 

**[00:24] Richie** Thank god that repression went away right quick. 

**[00:24] Stan** Yes we know what you mean, so no you don’t have to type it. 

**[00:25] Eddie** Also, I hate you. 

**[00:25] Mike** If this were a novel, it’d be in Derry just for the cyclical nature of it all. 

**[00:26] Bill** If it were a novel, one of them would be dead. 

**[00:27] Audra** unlike you, some people actually know how to write proper endings. 

**[00:28] Bill** Darling, my love, sunshine - I’m leaving you for Mike. 

**[00:30] Audra** then we seem to be at an impasse, for you see i’ve already done that. 

**[00:31] Ben** Just popping in to say that this is better than any soap opera I’ve ever seen in my entire life. 

**[00:32] Ben** And I am not ashamed to say that I’ve seen most of them. 

**[00:35] Bev** He has boxed sets. 

**[00:36] Bev** I didn’t know how many seasons of dallas existed until i saw them all on ben’s shelf. 

**[00:37] Ben** I am guilty about none of my interests. 

**[00:38] Ben** Unlike some of the people in this chat. 

**Stan** has left the chat 

**[00:40] Patty** I hate every single one of you. 

**[00:41] Richie** unfair play to leave the chat only to immediately log into your wife’s account. 

**[00:42] Bill** Give him a red card, ref. 

**Mike** has removed **Patty** from the chat

 **[00:44] Richie** wait - does this mean I have to be nice to Bill now? i’m afraid to be removed 

**Mike** has removed **Bill** from the chat

 **[00:47] Audra** [parishiltonthatshot.gif]

### 

**Conspiracy Corner - There’s Always Something More @ConspiaCorner** Derry, Maine - More than a Memory. A new four-part series from Conspiracy Corner. Premiere tomorrow. 

**just a lint licker @thedancinglobster** _@ConspiraCorner_ are you those guys that post in r/UnresolvedMysteries about how the turtle cult actually killed all those people? And like take the theory seriously? 

**steven with a ph @rikernobeard** _@ConspiraCorner_ capitalizing on _@locallegendspod_ new episode staying at number one for almost a week. It’ll be a rushed mess - calling it now. 

**shine bright @likeadiamond** that subreddit looks fun thanks _@thedancinglobster_!

* * *

  
**Eddie**  
Hey, remember when I was making fun of you for freaking out and saying you were going to call me at 3AM?

**Bev**  
Lol  
This is what you get for making fun of me eddie.  
You get karma. 

**Eddie**  
I’m happy and terrified  
And this is nothing like how I felt before my first marriage. 

**Bev**  
zzzzzzzz  
This is me sleeping through your existential crisis  
Like you pretended to do for mine. 

**Eddie**  
Bitch.  
ILY

* * *

**Losers Club 2.0**

**[08:15] Eddie** Help me settle a bet with someone. Who would win: evil Lincoln from Star Trek, or Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?

 **[10:48] Audra** that is a very specific question that i’m sure you have Opinions about. 

**[11:32] Mike** the evil Lincoln. 

**[13:09] Eddie** I do have an opinion, but I won’t voice it until I get more votes in. 

**[14:56] Richie** Crickets. Amazing. 

**[15:23] Eddie** Fuck all you guys.

 **[15:23] Eddie** Except Mike. Even if his opinion is incorrect based on all given canonical evidence. 

**[16:20] Patty** We read that book for my book club--very enjoyable. 

**[16:34] Eddie** So you agree? 

**[16:37] Patty** I don’t know, and so I’ll have to revisit the source material for both. Give me a month or so. 

**[16:37] Eddie** All of you are useless.

### 

**8===D @dickingdown420** me & fiance can be there on Thursday, but it won’t be until later on in the evening. 

**shhhhhhhh! @parttytiiiiiiime** That’s fine _@dickingdown420_ and I really hate having to type that out. 

**man of stainless steel @itsjusteddie** This is some of the most covert shit I’ve done, and I was married to a woman for over 10 years. 

**shhhhhhhh! @parttytiiiiiiime** It’s just easier this way, okay? I know S**n, and he is the master of finding out surprises. Which _@itsjusteddie_ really? 

**best idea ever @amazinwonderfulcuute** we cqn be there thursday as well!!! 

**It’s a two-fer @doublebdoublepower** Ben and i can be there thursday as well. You convinced him to get off of work right? Because lol if not.

> **@stantheman replied to @doublebdoublepower**  
> 
>
>> She did. See you guys soon.

**@parttytiiiiiiime has deactivated their account**

**Author's Note:**

> xoxo


End file.
